Sunday, December 30, 2012

Guilty my Lord!



Yesterday when the Delhi gang-rape girl succumbed to her injuries somewhere in Singapore there was something that died in every Indian woman. More than anything else it was the hope, hoping for things to change, hoping to feel safe in her own country and hoping to not be blamed for a crime committed on her.

That girl might have died physically yesterday but actually we had killed her long back already. We killed her when we blamed her for all that she went through. Though if I ask who is to be blamed for this, there are a lot of voices which will say the system and law and order. But there are also many voices which said it’s her fault to be out at this time. Or rather should I say it’s her fault she was born a woman in our country. I am shocked at the thoughts of the society where they surprisingly blame a woman for any untoward incident happening with her. 

When I was abused as a child – I was blamed for it.

When as a teenager some random youth molested me on the road – I was blamed for it.





I was asked to dress more decently, pretend to be coy and not behave in a manner which was attracting. I cried a lot at that time, thinking I am unfortunate to have been born in a conservative society and I thought things would change once I grow up. But sadly things still remain the same. Today when I face indecent proposals at work place; I am blamed for it. In the Bijal case of 2003, she was blamed and in the Park Street case also she was blamed. Nothing has changed. Neither has the culprit, nor the treatment being vetted out in such cases. Be it acid attacks, molestation, eve teasing or rape. The victim is the culprit. That is the diktat. 

We women seem to have some magical ability to create trouble around us every time! We attract problems like a magnet. I wonder if the people who blame us even would have said the same things had it been someone from their own closed family or friends. Whom are they trying to fool when we say we have progressed a lot as country and as a society and that they believe in equality between men and women? Where is the equality when it comes to safety on roads for us? Why is that if we dress up in a particular manner it is construed as an open invitation? Why that is some people have the right to be the moral police and hand us a list of do’s and don’ts while actually they are the very people who create the problems in the first place. Every time we have asked such questions we have been handed over a bunch of lies wrapped up in one line which makes us the culprit. 






The only thing that I would like to say is – 

Guilty my lord! It’s my fault that I am born a girl and hence all this is happening with me! After being through so many endless blames I want to add one more to the this list by committing female foeticide. For I cannot let another Me be born and undergo all these things. I would rather gift her death before she is born rather than giving her a new death every day.


13 comments:

  1. Thoughtful write-up! But the girls definitely are NOT born to suffer and get blamed every time....People must change their mind-set. And most importantly there must be some strictest and fast track laws so that these dirty people at least feel scared before doing anything filthy.

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    1. True Tarang...I wish more and more people understood, thought like this and did something about it!!

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    2. Tarang I completely agree with your views, however, the truth is that people always blame a girl whenever anything happens.

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  2. I am crying after reading this :'(. I agree with your all thoughts or rather facts here. This is the fact where the victim is culprit. And rest of the people don't worry about. They only want to raise finger on each other or on our laws.

    Female foeticide! has always seems to be very shocking decision to me although it should not be after seeing, hearing and reading your post. But I always believe in a little hope, that there are good people also around even thought they are few in numbers but there are.But I think I can't comment on it further as how these decisions come up is really that person knows and these are really very tough ones.

    I can't say also that I can feel or understand it completely because the bearer only knows the problem. But I always have an anger,fear(for my all friends and relatives) feelings. Because somewhere I do feel the same pinch as thoughts on it.

    To be honest it's not a girl should be guilty about it.It's all the people around us who should feel guilty about it.I have somewhere some little hope things will change alteast a bit this time after this protest.

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    1. So rightly said. Its the people who need to feel guilty about it more than anyone else.

      It hurts to see all that is happening around me as I have been shaken like this after the Mumbai attack wondering how safe am I!!!!

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  3. 'A world where women can be safe;where the female foeticide is considered as a sin'-is my wish in this New year.
    Really feeling so bad for her. We can never avoid the fact that, that girl could be any of us..

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  4. Very well written Me. Moved me a lot.. There's no reason a girl needs to feel guilty, but the society conveniently shifts the blame and shuns its responsibilities. I have seen guys behave badly with women wearing sari's and there are rape cases (many!) in the Middle East where the women wear burqas. These excuses, girl was dressed upto it, she was out late, she was with a male friend, guy was turned on too much are just what they seem like: excuses. Excuses to not act, react and to let off of what really needs to be heard. I hope 'Amanat' gets justice and instills a bit of confidence in this country. I can hope for it, but really a part of me died when she lost her life. I cannot help thinking what her thoughts would have been as she left the theatre, her plans for the next day, her dreams, her ambitions, it took all in all about Eleven Minutes to crush them and throw them away.

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    1. Thanks Aaekay for this comment as it is a proof that things are much more deeper than what they seem to us.

      Its not about clothes or anything else. Its about the thoughts that we have and that is exactly the root cause of all the problems.

      Our thoughts - - - - wish we do something about them

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  5. Very well-written Privy. Its not the girl's attitude, her clothes or her behaviour that is responsible for this crime but some men have to change their mindset. They have to remember that a lady too has choices and she is not a mute doll to be played and discarded after the completion of their desires.

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    1. Very rightly said Kalpana... I agree to that!

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  6. Guilty, a word which follows a woman in every walk of her life. Guilty for being a working mom, guilty for expressing her views, guilty for saying a NO, and the list is endless
    Women keep bearing the cross for all the faults of the men in her life, be it father, brother, husband or son.
    It is really a shame to be a part of the society that worships the goddesses and prods every other girl.

    Its time we change our mentality!

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    1. "Its high time" is the perfect word Gayu :)

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